This is how all British people talk.

Hmmmm. I like that one in the middle there. Look real good wif my purple dress. If Frank would ever take me out proper. Pssssshhhh. Right. I'm jus an old cow to him. Sittin there hollerin at the footballers on tele, finkin i don't have needs too.

Suppose i could big myself up a bit. I will get it. Wif my Christmas bonus, yeah! I'll jus tell Frank that what wif these hard times the Missus passed me over this year. Yeah. That's what'ull do.

Better call Ida. She'll go green wif envy for sure.

Wot. Oh Annie, wot are you finking, you old sorry cow. Gottah pay the Visa still. Gottah pay for mending the sink. I can't go off into a dream world, finking this old bag can still drape herself in diamonds and pearls. But it is nly 15 pounds.

Fuckin'ell.

I'm gettin it and you better not say another word about it.

Oh shut up then, shut up. Look what you've got yourself into now. Talkin like one of dem crazies at a respectable shop in broad daylight.

I should jus buy the fuckin fing to put my mind at rest.

Now hold on girl. Fink fer a minute........

Frank'll see it somehow and he knows that it wouldn't be one of mother's and he'd whoop me for sure then, and i can't take another whoopin' wifout the Missus going all up in a flame of meddlin.

Fuckin'ell it's cold. Right then. Better have a fag and spot ofva drink. That'll put me right.